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So where were we? Nick. Who lived at the edge of a cliff. Who refused the world and headed to the woods. I don’t know why his name was Nick, neither did he, nor his parents. I am not sure if he had parents. But surely he must have had. For he remembered two dim figures being around him before he became a man. But now he was Nick who lived in the sticks. He built his house brick by brick. Yes, he built it bit by bit.

He was brought up in a lie. But, as we already mentioned, it took him years to realize that lie and take up the truth. The truth – that he was not, after all, so special, that he was just like everybody else. However, no one could ever obliterate the lie he was brought up in. No one could ever destroy that stop on memory lane. It was something to drink over in the cold winter nights.

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existential carousel

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His name was Nick and lived at the edge of a cliff. That’s right, he refused the world and headed to the woods. The moment of realization came for him – the realization that he was just like everybody else, the realization that there was nothing he could do to change that. He was just like everybody else, he had the same impure thoughts, he loved food, he loved sex, he had strange erotic fantasies, he loved to deceive others just to feel superior, he loved to look good in the eyes of people, he loved to be loved, he loved to look like he was something more than other people and he was doing what was necessary to look so, he loved to hide things, to keep them for himself. From time to time he had trouble sleeping but he ignored the problem claiming it would work itself out. Until one day.

Until one day he woke up from a dreadful dream in which he was far away from everything and everyone that he had ever loved. Only, it was not a dream anymore. He was, in fact, alone. In the centre of his body – right where thoughts and feelings meet, he felt terrible pain. And love was not there anymore. Less, it was there but it had a different form – it had transformed into hate. He hated himself and he hated others. He could not move, he was paralyzed. He couldn’t get up. Then he asked himself ‘Do you want to live?’ ‘What kind of a question is that?’ inquired the second voice in his head. ‘A human kind of question,’ answer the third voice in his head. ‘You need to understand yourself first, everything else is negotiable. But you are what you are,’ a fourth voice joined the discussion. ‘SHUT UP!’ He screamed and got up.

‘You are living in paper castles,’ the fourth voice continued. Well…he didn’t even roll the dice in his head, he just closed his eyes for two seconds. Then he left. He packed one suitcase and rented his one flat and headed to the woods. Didn’t care about the odds. In any case, it is an interesting world that we are living in – everybody’s trying to close their eyes and absolve their sins. But it takes more. It takes so much more.

found-on-iampatrik
found on @IAMPATRIK (imgrum.net)